


Three Jameses and Billy's Nipples

by moosefrog



Category: Black Sails, Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies), Star Trek
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 07:04:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12835848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosefrog/pseuds/moosefrog
Summary: This is the story of how Billy Bones' nipples became a superstition. Sorry-not-sorry has never applied so hard.





	Three Jameses and Billy's Nipples

**Author's Note:**

> If you're more of an audio-book type person, the lovely Medusine recorded this fic for me and you can [find it here](http://medusinestories.tumblr.com/post/168123612441/my-friend-moosefrog-wrote-a-fic-called-three)!

Billy Bones was hard to miss. He towered over the average man like a tree. Few men could make eye contact with Billy Bones which was why his nipples gained notoriety.

Not that anyone talked about his nipples. Men didn’t talk about other men’s nipples, after all, but whenever Billy’s name came up in conversation there’d be a moment of discomfort when all present who had met Billy would silently think about his nipples. 

Things that are unspoken often found an outlet.

“Billy’s nipples” “billy’s nurples” “BilLy’s npplz” and other creative constructions of the English language started to appear carved into tables, outhouse walls, and even the timbers of ships.

James Flint often thought about Billy Bones’ nipples because he had the misfortune of being Billy's Captain. They were just… right at eye-level, even when coyly hidden behind the rags Billy called a shirt you were haunted by the knowledge of their presence. He actively sought to erase the knowledge from his brain but then things like this happened:

Somebody had carved “Billy’s Nipplz” into his ship.

Oh, it wasn’t in an obvious location. If Flint had been less of a paranoid bastard he might not have ever even known because he wouldn’t have been where he was; snooping. Or rather, ‘inspecting his ship’ which was pretty much the same thing. He stared at the carved words. If he had them removed… that would tell the men he had been snooping. Unless he could devise a way to ‘accidentally’ discover their presence they had to remain.

Now his ship was haunted by Billy’s nipples.

Later, when the smoke had cleared and the dead worth mourning had been mourned, the surviving Nassau ships sailed away; each carrying a version of “Billy’s nipples” carved into their timbers. And, as seamen are a superstitious lot, “Billy’s nipples” became a good luck charm.

Which was why James Norrington was staring at the phrase carved into the hull of his ship with furrowed brows. It was crude to have the word ’nipples’ adorning his ship but his quartermaster had told him the crew’s morale would drop if it were to be removed. Who had Billy been? And why had this bit of his anatomy not only gained fame but had been elevated to the level of superstition?

They must have been very noteworthy nipples.

And now that thought would haunt him as long as he captained this vessel. Bothered by this, Norrington did his best to never again think about the strange phrase. He was moderately successful.

Space. The final frontier. Ships no longer sailed the seas but certain superstitions still were honoured by their crews which was why James Kirk was currently sneaking aboard his soon to be off on her maiden voyage starship to indulge in a superstition he’d read about. He had no idea where it had originated from but he was determined to give his shiny new ship as much good luck as possible.

Billy’s nipples would see the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> I had been chatting with [Medusine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusine) about fictional characters and their relationships (as one does) and SOMEHOW we started talking about Billy Bones' nipples. Medusine pointed out that it wasn't inconceivable that Black Sails, Pirate of the Carribean, and Outlander all were connected and I stretched it further to bring Star Trek into play.
> 
> ...I regret nothing.


End file.
